We all love our mothers. They carried us for nine months, bore us into this world, and raised us. Even when we were nose-picking toddlers, hormonally charged teenagers, and even as we uttered things like, can-i-have-more-money, she-doesn't-want-to-be-my-friend-anymore, this-is-so-unfair, Mom-Mom-Mom-Mooommm-MMMOOOOOMMMMM!
Dads, we love you too. The support, the encouragement, the I-know-your-Mom-is-crazy-but-we-are-gonna-do-what-she-says, and everyone's favorite, the don't-tell-Mom! moments.
But my parents have the most fascinating relationship to technology I've ever seen. I'm sure you know what I mean.
I am amazed that these two intelligent people whom I love so dearly and who raised two intelligent humans cannot so much as remember that text messages and emails are different entities. They also are still walking in the land of dial-up. They don't have dial-up of course, but vehemently believe that in order to be "online" they must go to aol.com. I've talked with friends of mine and have discovered that smartphone/computer phenomenon is not uncommon.
They try so hard but somehow the smartphone and computer just elude them. They are Parents Trying to Use Smartphones (and other) Devices. In no particular order, here are some of my favorite PTSD moments...
1. [November in NY] "I think I broke my phone. I left it in the trunk and when I took it out, the icons were shivering. I think my phone was cold. I must've left it in the trunk too long"
2. Over the phone 300 miles away: "It says...File... Edit... View... Save... Save As... Help.... {giggles] I do need help!"
[She read me every menu and sub-menu in MS Word, despite me telling her that wasn't necessary. This took about 20 minutes. - Remind me again why you can't ask my brother, who is there with you and who can actually see the screen? You know, that kid who stays in the room upstairs, who loves baseball with the buzzcut. You know, the one who LIVES WITH YOU?!]
3. "It asked for my ______ password. [fill in every site or application that needs a password] I put it in but it's telling me it's not right. I know it's right."
[Except we've had to change it every time she's forgotten it so yes, it is different. I've actually created a "Mom" and a "Dad" file where I record all of their passwords so when they call me because they forgot them I don't have to re-setup e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g]
4. [Pondering tone of wonderment] "My phone can't make calls, I can't check my voicemail and I can't get any pictures or take any"
"You need a new phone"
"Noo! It's totally fine, I can still get text messages. I don't need a new phone."
[??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?]
5. "I want to email Wally." [Spend ten minutes showing him how to set up an email]
"What's his email address?"
"I don't know, I don't have his email address. I have his phone number"
6. "My phone is going to die"
"Don't worry, I have my charger" [Cable was there, but missing square plug thing for the outlet]
7. Me: "Hello? Hello? Mom????"
Mom: "Jacqueline????"
Me: "Yes. Are you ok?"
Mom: "Yea. It was the strangest thing. I called you, but another lady answered. And then she was gone and you answered"
Me: "What! How does that even happen???"
Mom: "HA. I don't know!{giggles}"
8. [Inserts CD to laptop] "How do I get online so I can play the dice game?"
9. "I put it in my favorites, but it's not there anymore."
"That's because you put it in there like 5 years ago. The link is probably dead"
"How can it be dead? I saved it so I'd always have it"
[Many attempts to explain]
"I don't know, I guess it's just gone"
"Oh maaannn. Ok"
10. "You have to back up your phone before you can download the new update"
"Ok.{Pause}"
[This means (1) She's writing down everything I'm saying to which I will get to hear her mumble my words back to herself as she writes, (2) She thinks she knows exactly what I'm saying (3) She has no idea what I'm saying but is going to let me continue on for ten minutes before asking for clarification
"Then you can make some more room on your phone for pictures and apps and stuff"
"Will I lose all my stuff? What about my pictures, I love my pictures"
"No, they're not disappearing, it'll all just go to the cloud"
"......{Pause}....{Thinking}.... What's the cloud?"
[Sigh]
11. "I just share it on Facebook if I want to save something. Then I know just where to look for it. On my page."
"Some people may not like you sharing their stuff with everyone you know."
"Oh. Whoops. Another Facebook faux-pas! But I want to save stuff..."
12. "So if I post something on Facebook can everybody see it?"
"Only if they're friends with you" [I set up her privacy settings]
"So you can't see this thing Sally posted?"
"Nope. I'm not friends with Sally."
"But you're friends with me. And I'm friends with her."
"Yes, but I'm not friends with Sally so I can't see it"
"You should friend her, she's really nice. Then you'd be able to see it"
"{Shakes head and lovingly chuckles}"
Parents, we love you. Your lack of technological ability may frustrate us at times, but we love that you just keep trying. And we've gotten some great laughs out of your inability to reconcile these dang computers and phones. I know one day you will persevere. (Until, of course, you forget your password again!)
This post was all in good fun and we secretly love that you call us for help. You've spent our whole lives helping us, it's the least we can do for you. And let's be honest, this will be us someday too. Much love and many hugs to those who make our lives richer!
Be sure to comment and share your favorite PTSD moments!
