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Friday, October 23, 2015

PTSD: Parents Trying to Use Smartphones (and other) Devices

We all love our mothers.  They carried us for nine months, bore us into this world, and raised us.  Even when we were nose-picking toddlers, hormonally charged teenagers, and even as we uttered things like, can-i-have-more-money, she-doesn't-want-to-be-my-friend-anymore, this-is-so-unfair, Mom-Mom-Mom-Mooommm-MMMOOOOOMMMMM! 

Dads, we love you too. The support, the encouragement, the I-know-your-Mom-is-crazy-but-we-are-gonna-do-what-she-says, and everyone's favorite, the don't-tell-Mom! moments. 

But my parents have the most fascinating relationship to technology I've ever seen. I'm sure you know what I mean.  

I am amazed that these two intelligent people whom I love so dearly and who raised two intelligent humans cannot so much as remember that text messages and emails are different entities.  They also are still walking in the land of dial-up.  They don't have dial-up of course, but vehemently believe that in order to be "online" they must go to aol.com.  I've talked with friends of mine and have discovered that smartphone/computer phenomenon is not uncommon.  

They try so hard but somehow the smartphone and computer just elude them.  They are Parents Trying to Use Smartphones (and other) Devices.  In no particular order, here are some of my favorite PTSD moments...

1.  [November in NY]  "I think I broke my phone.  I left it in the trunk and when I took it out, the icons were shivering. I think my phone was cold. I must've left it in the trunk too long"  

2.  Over the phone 300 miles away: "It says...File... Edit... View... Save... Save As... Help.... {giggles] I do need help!"  

[She read me every menu and sub-menu in MS Word, despite me telling her that wasn't necessary. This took about 20 minutes.  - Remind me again why you can't ask my brother, who is there with you and who can actually see the screen?  You know, that kid who stays in the room upstairs, who loves baseball with the buzzcut. You know, the one who LIVES WITH YOU?!]

3.  "It asked for my ______ password.  [fill in every site or application that needs a password]  I put it in but it's telling me it's not right. I know it's right." 

[Except we've had to change it every time she's forgotten it so yes, it is different. I've actually created a "Mom" and a "Dad" file where I record all of their passwords so when they call me because they forgot them I don't have to re-setup e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g]

4.  [Pondering tone of wonderment]  "My phone can't make calls, I can't check my voicemail and I can't get any pictures or take any"
"You need a new phone"
"Noo! It's totally fine, I can still get text messages. I don't need a new phone." 
 [??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?]

5.  "I want to email Wally." [Spend ten minutes showing him how to set up an email]
"What's his email address?"
"I don't know, I don't have his email address. I have his phone number"  

6.  "My phone is going to die"
"Don't worry, I have my charger" [Cable was there, but missing square plug thing for the outlet]

7.  Me: "Hello?  Hello?  Mom????"
Mom: "Jacqueline????"
Me: "Yes. Are you ok?"
Mom: "Yea. It was the strangest thing.  I called you, but another lady answered. And then she was gone and you answered"
Me: "What! How does that even happen???"
Mom:  "HA.  I don't know!{giggles}"

8.  [Inserts CD to laptop] "How do I get online so I can play the dice game?"

9.  "I put it in my favorites, but it's not there anymore."  
"That's because you put it in there like 5 years ago. The link is probably dead"
"How can it be dead? I saved it so I'd always have it"
[Many attempts to explain]
"I don't know, I guess it's just gone"
"Oh maaannn.  Ok"

10.  "You have to back up your phone before you can download the new update"
"Ok.{Pause}" 

[This means (1) She's writing down everything I'm saying to which I will get to hear her mumble my words back to herself as she writes, (2) She thinks she knows exactly what I'm saying (3) She has no idea what I'm saying but is going to let me continue on for ten minutes before asking for clarification

"Then you can make some more room on your phone for pictures and apps and stuff"
"Will I lose all my stuff?  What about my pictures, I love my pictures"
"No, they're not disappearing, it'll all just go to the cloud"
"......{Pause}....{Thinking}.... What's the cloud?"
[Sigh]

11.  "I just share it on Facebook if I want to save something.  Then I know just where to look for it.  On my page."
"Some people may not like you sharing their stuff with everyone you know."
"Oh. Whoops. Another Facebook faux-pas! But I want to save stuff..."

12.  "So if I post something on Facebook can everybody see it?"
"Only if they're friends with you" [I set up her privacy settings]
"So you can't see this thing Sally posted?"
"Nope. I'm not friends with Sally."
"But you're friends with me. And I'm friends with her."
"Yes, but I'm not friends with Sally so I can't see it"
"You should friend her, she's really nice.  Then you'd be able to see it"
"{Shakes head and lovingly chuckles}"


Parents, we love you.  Your lack of technological ability may frustrate us at times, but we love that you just keep trying.  And we've gotten some great laughs out of your inability to reconcile these dang computers and phones.  I know one day you will persevere.  (Until, of course, you forget your password again!)  

This post was all in good fun and we secretly love that you call us for help.  You've spent our whole lives helping us, it's the least we can do for you.  And let's be honest, this will be us someday too. Much love and many hugs to those who make our lives richer!

Be sure to comment and share your favorite PTSD moments! 

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Friday, September 11, 2015

Doll Wax Salon vs. The European Waxing Center

If you are a regular waxer or a newbie, check out my recs for the two best waxing salons around. 

My A-Number 1 is definitely Doll Wax. They have locations in Gambrills and Crofton with another location opening shortly in Annapolis. 


My first time going here was the most pleasant, painless waxing experience I've ever had. I used to just get waxed at my nail salon because it was cheap and easy, but my gel manis from there barely lasted a week so I was on the search for a new place for both nails and wax.  

I tried Doll Wax in Crofton for the first time yesterday and it is amazing!! I will never go anywhere else. They offer online booking, which makes scheduling quick and easy. With a confirmation call and email, you'll never miss your appointment. You can also request your favorite esthetician while booking to ensure you are satisfied. (I had Melissa, but have read that all the estheticians are wonderful.) 

The salon has many special offers and promotions, making it affordable and worthwhile. If you book your follow-up appointment within 5 weeks you get a discount. For a Brazilian it is $63 the first time and $48 thereafter if booking within 5 weeks. Also, if you check in on Yelp you can get a $13 eyebrow wax. And the deals don't end there. 

Doll Wax offers a loyalty card. After five visits you get $10 off your service. 

They also look out for the younger ladies, offering $10 brow waxes to those 17 and under between September and June. 

Another, more important reason I love Doll Wax Salon is that I am very picky about things being sanitary.  After I spent a summer working for a doctor who was obsessive about things being clean I have developed some high standards. I used to clean the step stool for the exam table (read: not one minuscule speck of dirt) with a one-sided Q-tip. I was only allowed to use 3. He was a miser. Doll Wax has absolutely no double dipping, and is completely sanitary, tossing each stick and using new muslin strips with each pull. 

The decor and atmosphere are soothing and inviting. Chandeliers float above you, large fluffy flowers sit spilling over silver vases, making you feel more like you're at someone's home than at a salon. The table is comfy (softer than most in my experience) and the room is warm, which is important if you're stripping down.  

Hershey kisses in a small bowl, sat next to me as I got waxed. Chocolate will help you forget the pain in no time. And if that doesn't work, check out the  motivational pictures on the wall ("You got this"). Honestly, though, there was hardly any pain at all. More of a tinge than an ouch for sure.  

The staff is welcoming and knowledgeable, your service is not rushed and you feel like they really enjoy what they do there.  When you enter the room, the technician explains everything to you and leaves while you undress. There is a cleansing wipe left for when you undress to freshen up before you begin, and a towel with which to cover yourself for the more "personal" procedures. You ring a crystal bell to signal you are ready and the esthetician re-appears and begins your service with a smile.

Aloe gel is put on immediately after the wax strip is pulled (very cool and soothing), and there is more soothing post-wax with the all-natural, homemade essential oil spray you apply before getting dressed to close pores and soothe the skin. There is also a warm wipe for your use to ensure all the wax has been removed. I did not experience any pain post wax at all. I've never had this happen before (probably because I used to get waxed at my nail salon).  She didn't have to tweeze at all, she took her time and everything was removed the way I wanted.  I seriously can't wait to go back. It is worth the money, and worth the drive. You can tell the focus is the customer and giving them a positive, clean, pleasant experience rather than pushing products (there was no mention of products at all actually). Thank you, Doll Wax! You should book today.  

I tried another reputable waxing salon, The European Waxing Center also. It has many locations and an online booking system. It is very sanitary, has very modern decor (think Miami - shiny white counters, frosted glass doors, red and black accent colors) and they use hard wax, not the hot wax with the muslin strips.  

The rooms look more like a doctor's office, which I liked because it told me it was sanitary but perhaps comes off a bit cold on the warm-and-fuzzy meter. Despite a great wax, the pressure from the esthetician and the front desk to buy the products was overwhelming and, in my opinion, inappropriate and unprofessional. During the whole procedure I felt like I was in a sales pitch (and I kind of was). 

That being said, the staff was very courteous and very knowledgeable. It was also very quick and pretty painless. I get they have to sell their products and make a living but I felt I was viewed more like a dollar than a patron. If you don't mind the sales pitch, try it out. Some people are good at saying no. I'm not, I walked out with $100 worth of products. Eek! 

They do have a great promotion for first-time clients: first wax is free and 20% off products. And I have to say the products are pretty awesome. I bought the exfoliating gel (can be used anywhere on your body). 

Slather it on, let sit for a second and then, rubbing in circular motions with your hands, the dead skin magically sloughs off! Very soothing gel with many vitamins and is very effective. I'm always glowing afterward. After you exfoliate, you can pamper yourself in the shower with their body wash which smells just divine. 

A little bit lathers a long way so it'll last a while, which makes my wallet feel better. Lastly, the ingrown hair serum helps prevent ingrown hairs between waxes and is rubbed on after exfoliating and waxing. 

The esthetician recommended using the exfoliate every three to four days, the body wash daily and the ingrown hair serum daily. I wish I can say I keep up with that, but with two little ones I'm just lucky to get a shower sometimes. I do my best and it gives good results nonetheless! 

If I had my way I'd go to Doll Wax for the service and buy The European Waxing Center's  products
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Monday, August 10, 2015

Kate & Tory Sales


Gotta get this post up asap. Tory Burch and Kate Spade are both having killer sales right now.  If I hadn't just dropped $200 at Sephora I would be partaking. But since I can't, you can!  Shop quickly; sizes and styles go fast.

Here are my picks from each. 

TORY BURCH
Kamila Sweater - $79, down from $225
Courtesy of toryburch.com
Persia Tunic - $99, down from $295
Courtesy of toryburch.com
Rayna Dress - $199, down from $550
Courtesy of toryburch.com

Alexa Cropped Skinny Jean - $89, down from $189
Courtesy of toryburch.com
Pierre Blazer - $199, down from $395  If I could only buy one thing from the sale, this would be it.  Can pair with almost anything, can be dressed up or down, and adds a hint of sophistication to the simplest of outfits. Not to mention, it'll keep you warm!
Courtesy of toryburch.com
Anais Grape Flower Earrings - $69, down from $195
Courtesy of toryburch.com
Tripp Metal Ring - $49, down from $95
Courtesy of toryburch.com

Aidan Two Finger Ring - $79, down from $175
Courtesy of toryburch.com
Medium Brigitte Cosmetic Case - $49, down from $85
Courtesy of toryburch.com
T Lock Color Block Tote - $249, down from $625 (eeee!!) Might be the best deal of the sale.
Courtesy of toryburch.com
Skylar Quilted Sneaker - $89, down from $125
Courtesy of toryburch.com
Fulton Bootie - $199, down from $385 I waaaant!
Courtesy of toryburch.com

KATE SPADE (I'm trying something new in the way I list items so please bear with me. The photos below should link to the item. Let me know if it doesn't. You can always click the Kate Spade link above and that will also take you to the sale so you can shop my picks.)
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Friday, May 8, 2015

Me VS. the Sprinkler

Ladies and Gents, spring has sprung! And thank goodness. I could not do one more craft or make one more cardboard playhouse, mailbox, sailboat, etc

My children can go outside, play, get hot,  sweaty and, most importantly, tired. A day in the sun does wonders for naps and nighttime sleeping. Phenomenal. I could do without the pollen though, that's for sure. 

Now that we have this new house I have an infinite number of outdoor things that must be taken care of, like watering the lawn and the plants. Having lived in the city for ten years, I am not used to this at all. I had two potted plants in the city. Nature, and if we're honest, drunk post-grads, watered them. Life observation: Drunk post-grads are suprisingly useful when it comes to horticulture. They not only water your plants, but their leftover cigarette butts also decompose nicely, leaving you with freshly fertilized and composted soil. And all those years I thought it was my green thumb!

I've been meaning to water our grass now for a while. I finally decided today was the day. The wonderful company that built our home also provided us with two sprinklers. Not built in ones, but the pulsating kind. You know, the one the dance move is named after?? 

Anyway, I put the kids down for a nap and eagerly, and proudly, I might add, headed outside to be a homeowner. I placed the sprinkler in the corner of our yard, thinking it'd get the whole thing. I trudged back across the grass and excitedly turned on the water, waiting for the moment I could proudly smile at my accomplishment and the green lawn with which I was about to be blessed. 

The water surged, the sprinkler turned on. Success!!

Except it was watering my neighbor's yard. Easy fix right? 

Nope, because when I moved it and let it go, it no longer rotated. It just went tsh tsh tsh instead of tick tick tick tick, brrrrgghhhh on repeat. 

So now the water is on, I'm getting soaked trying to move this thing and I want turn it off - but how do you know how to adjust the sprinkler if it's not on? Now, I am an American. I was not about to walk all the way over to the spicket to turn it off, move it, and then walk all the way back over to turn it back on just to see I had made a mistake. 

So, the next best option of course is to leave it on and move it. Needless to say I got soaked again, and I'm pretty sure I almost lost my eye when the sprinkler jetted straight into my eyeball. Powerful little bugger, let me tell you. I wiped away the water, consequently smearing mascara all over the left side of my face. It's hot. I'm frustrated. Am I sweating or soaked? Not sure. Keep going, I say. You can do this. It's a sprinkler for chrissake! You have a masters degree. It shouldn't be that hard. Just think about it. Think! 

So I spent the next twenty minutes moving the sprinkler around the yard (I did turn down the water so as not to get soaked again) trying to get it to be a sprinkler. It would only spray in one place. But that is not the dance move I know. What makes the sprinkler move so great is that you rotate and everyone gets to enjoy the loveliness of the sprinkler. 

God help me. 

Then I have a genius idea. Move it to the center of the yard and then it doesn't matter where it sprays; it will get the yard somehow

I do this, but I still can't get it to pulsate. Up until writing this post I had no idea there were different kinds of sprinklers. Just thought there were underground ones and ones you buy at Lowes for $10. After extensive google research, I have since found that I have a pulsating sprinkler. I think. Or an impact one. Or maybe they're the same thing?? Idk!  

By this point I had turned the water off and I examinied the sprinkler head. (Because I've seen one of these up close before and know all of its parts, so of course examining it closely will give me some sort of clarity. HA!)

I tug on things, rotate others, push down, pull up, flick levers up and down, exhausting. I turn on the water a little and convince myself it's rotating when it's not. I have been laughing at myself throughtout this unexpected epic fail. Who would've thought using a sprinkler would've been so freakin complicated?! I just thought you connected it to the hose, stuck it in the ground and turned it on. Wtf!

Now I am sweating and I'm semi-annoyed because I know my husband is going to come home and have it fixed in no time. As if he was born with some sort of sprinkler manual built into his brain. 

Did I mention the crew of about 20 construction workers building the house down the street who have been watching this entire thing unfold? I'm sure they got a good laugh at my expense. I know I did. But all the more reason I wanted to figure it out. I can't let these guys who could probably do this in their sleep see me fail at a sprinkler. A sprinkler can't be my downfall! 

By this point I was sufficiently embarrassed, so trudged back inside to google my problem. 

I realized I must've really missed a life lesson when even Google thought I was dumb. I googled "how to use a sprinkler" and all these results came back on installing a sprinkler system, not operating one. Apparently, even Google knows how to turn on a $10 Lowes sprinkler. I tried YouTube. The same thing. I read three articles, none of which helped because they were all written on the premise that I know the names of the parts of the sprinkler. Like it's some sort of commonplace vernacular.  

For example, eHow instructed me to:
          
  • Step 3

    Push down the water deflector to reduce the distance the water travels. The deflector is in front of where the water exits the sprinkler head. Leave the deflector up to allow the water to travel as far as possible. The distance depends on the brand of pulsating sprinkler you own.

  • Step 4

    Turn the water on from the nozzle and observe the pulsating sprinkler's spray pattern. Adjust the collars to keep the water within the desired area. Open or close the deflector to increase or decrease how far the water travels.

What the eff is a water deflector and a collar???! 

My favorite line is where it tells you to "observe the pulsating sprinklers spray pattern." Well, if I could do that my problem would be fixed, now wouldn't it!! 

I am now more determined than ever to figure this fucker out. Excuse my language, but it really is the only way to describe it. Sprinkler you laughed at me once, but not twice. I accept your challenge, fucker. 

To be continued...
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Tuesday, March 10, 2015

Looking Forward to Spring Shopping

I know. It's been forever. Gotta work on being better about posting with these two little ones.  Sorry! 

Here are some of my picks for spring from Revolve.  I know there is so much more to be released for spring but with all this snow I just couldn't wait another minute to think about warm days and cool nights. 

Revolve

NBD X Navens Twins Back It Up Romper, $180 I like that it's not the standard black romper. The asymmetric detailing adds interest and makes this romper formal enough for summer night events.  

AG Legging Ankle, $225 Not too much distressing, but just enough, the right length, the right color and the right level of tightness. Buy them.

Cameo Nightswim Fitted Romper, $181 A crisp white romper with enough embellishment to draw attention. The angular ruffle (is that really a ruffle, idk) adds a mod, cubist vibe. 

Zinke, Taylor Underwire Bikini Top & Brazilian Bottom, $96, $59  Classic stripe pattern in a classic shape.  Can't go wrong.


Nookie Wild One Rhapsody Bandeau, $99 If you're looking to turn heads at the beach, this may be your suit.  Pattern, cut outs, a deep u-neck, and a little bit of shimmer - it screams, hey look at me! 

Bailey 44 Zambia Dress, $151  Bardot-inspired off the shoulder body-hugging dresss in a summer color.   
This dress makes me think of Ellen Barkin in the movie, Ocean's 13. Her character always wore tight sheaths.  I feel like if she were out shopping she'd buy the one above.


PILYQ Sasha Sassy Short, $66  Cute, trendy shorts that are easy to throw on and style.  Add a black tee and you're all set.

Rachel Zoe Callie Heel, $325  Perforated anything has been in for a while now, but these shoes are just gorgeous.  White and perforated has me written all over it.  (Minus the price tag and that these are not really practical for my life at home with toddlers, but I love them nonetheless!)


Joie Sarnelle Romper, $398  I have wanted this since the day it came out.  Why oh why does it have to cost $400 freakin dollars?  

AQ/AQ Romp Playsuit, $200  Can you tell I'm on a romper kick.  Dolphin edges in front and in pink?  Sign me up.  Just hope you don't have to pee after buying all these rompers!

Joie Yvetta Top, $278  This is the top version of the romper I want.  Still not cheap.  

NBD X Naven Twins Wink Dress in Berry, $188  Cute little sexy dress that I can see being worn on a hot steamy night out in a tropical locale.  

Trejoa Swimsuit, $136  One pieces are in again and this one has some interesting detail - stripes, floral, and slight side cutouts make it worth the price.

State of Being Crossover Asymmetric Skirt, $79  Short without being short. Know what I mean? The detail adds interest.  I've been into pieces that although may seem plain, have some sort of detailing such as an asymmetric hem, beading, cut out, lace, etc

MinkPink Secret Garden Swimsuit, $99  Floral with a sweetheart neckline.  The black banding on the side is very slimming and helps nip you in at the waist and on the sides.  

Lisa Maree The Open Door Bikini Set, $165  Skimpy but the slitted top that reaches to your collarbone gives the impression that it covers more than it does.  

Kate Spade Georgica Stripes Underwire Bandeau Bikini Top, $98  Preppy and adorable.

Greylin Finley Skater Dress, $118  I love stripes, I love dresses and I love baby pink so this dress just spoke to me.  Add some gold accents and a tan, bellisimo!

Shoshanna Textured Bikini Top & Bottom, $143, $88  Love the twist top bandeau.  Looks like more than just a normal twist top bandeau, it seems to criss cross almost.  The bottoms are teeny and back in my younger years probably would've been fine, but these days I'd probably pair the top with a more conservative bottom in black or similar coordinating color (or pattern).  

Seafolly Block Party Bikini Top & Bottom, $72 each  Color blocking on swimwear is everywhere, but I feel like everyone needs a good white bikini.  White just looks so crisp and clean on a tanned bod.  

White + Warren Beach Day Tee, $132  I think this says it all.  I'm not sure what warrants it being $100 but if you have it to spend why not?  Or if you're good at DIY, take a plain tee and just paint this on or iron on letters.

Kate Spade Francoise Top, $398  Gorgeous.  Scalloped, classic colors, beading at the neckline.  Simple and gorgeous, simply gorgeous!

Daydreamer Dream Catcher Tee, $59  For your festival wear...

Joie Motega Dress, $328  Throw it on and go.  Bridal shower, daytime barbeque, summer meeting, it all works.

Norma Kamalikulture Open Back Jumpsuit, $105  Great for a nighttime summer wedding or other formal event.  

New Balance Capsule Collection, $79.95  Love the colors, super comfy.  Check out how blogger Jules of Sincerely, Jules styles sneakers (shes awesome at it).

Maison Scotch Printed Dress, $189  This is on of those pieces you can keep around come fall and winter.

Hat Attack Provence Tote, $115  Beach or shopping at the beach, this tote is perfect for all your stuff.  

Donna Mazoni Crop Top & Skirt, $149, $143  You spent the winter working on your beach bod, may as well show it off right?

Rebecca Minkoff Everywhere Tote, $295  Perforated and large enough for all your summer travels, this in one i hope to add to my collection.

Monrow New York Sweatshirt, $158 Also available in Paris and LA.  Near and dear to my heart this one is.

AQ/AQ Shorts, $200  Cute dressy shorts for summer.  Better than chinos for sure.

The Kooples Ruched Zipper Mini, $215  Not sure why I love this so much, but I do.

Amanda Uprichard Maxi Gown, $294  Simple, understated and pretty.  Great for a warm spring day.

This is one last thing i have to share from Plum Pretty Sugar

Willa Betwixt the Morning Light Shortie Set, $22  I don't know about you but I'm tired of sleeping in my old college tees and shorts.  This is an adorable alternative.


More spring and summer picks to come. Sooner rather than later, I promise.  Happy Shopping!


~And that, my friends, is worth a glass of champagne!~
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